The Swedes have an 18k gold plated “massager” that makes me want to let potential buyers know I put out for a good cheeseburger.

The description reads:

The most luxurious vibrators and massagers in the world, arriving on a satin pillow in an exclusive wooden box, ready for truly special users. All are crafted in stainless steel or 18K gold plate, materials that offer exciting prospects for those inclined to the sensual use of temperature.

I want all women to know that I can too come on a satin pillow and in a wooden box (if you’re into that sorta thing).

Death by Snoo Snoo

Get your very own Presidential or Vice Presidential candidate Cabbage Patch doll on Ebay!  These are much pricier than the 80s originals; Sarah Palin is the most expensive at $716.  McCain and Obama cost a modest $510, and Biden goes for a measly $425.  Foxnews.com said it best: “While children aren’t allowed to vote, a few lucky little ones can still pick — and hug and kiss and squeeze — their president.” Only 4d 19h 27m left to bid, so hurry!

This is NOT Sarah Palin, the Maverick, but we can all get our wankers off to a look-a-like, can’t we? It’s a blow-up doll. That’s right. Maverick blow-up. Mavericks every where can rejoice. Maverick.

Sex, Palin Style

Zombies aren’t so scary when they’re eating steak, but to be fair, the steak was rare. Also, we were drinking booze, which zombies obviously need in addition to brains. Don’t ask why I’m wearing a tiara. I don’t know.

As you can see, there were scared living people, but zombies FTW. See the girl smiling? She was recently infected. The zombie in the back was just kickin’ it. He was a vegetarian, so he wanted grains, instead of brains. There’s also a gag about a coat hanger somewhere, but it’s a little too racy for this blog.

See you next year!

Our friend, Bullet McKenzie, told me about Shirley Manson’s cameo as a T-1000 on the hit show Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles. This wouldn’t be so odd except that she transforms from a urinal in one of the scenes. I’ve yet to see this, nor have I been able to find any cool photos online, thus I made my own shown above. As Bullet McKenzie puts it, this brings new meaning to the song Only Happy When It Rains. She’s a fan of golden showers, though.

After some hardcore Googling, I did come up with something else that’s pretty neat. Via Gizmodo, check out this Photoshop Masterpiece.

Shakeutron, as Gizmodo calls it, will help you shake and tug until you’re dry. I really hope it’s only a two-shaker. Anything else would be aweso–I mean obscene. It’s even got cameras, which I’m sure is used to tell you that your penis is ridiculously small and offer you penis enlargement tips. I think I’ve just invented a new marketing channel for the men’s room.

Shakeutron shakes your weiner!

Matt Damon tells CBS of his dislike for Sarah Palin and ninjas his way into likening a McCain presidency to a bad Disney movie. He uses big words like “actuary tables” and “governance.” He also insinuated that there’s a one in three chance that McCain will not survive his first term… you know, because he’s old and was actually around 4,000 years ago when dinosaurs were around. His animosity for Palin stems from her inexperience and right-wing views. Also, she’s a hockey mom, not a soccer mom, so obviously there’s something wrong with her. Just watch the damn video.

Matt Damon: Friend or Foe?

This is pretty late, but check out John McCain = Cylon. So vote for him if you want to be enslaved.

Obviously not paid for by Obama

This is the second Microsoft adv. with Bill and Jerry. Strange. There’s something about leather. It’s been mentioned in both ads. I’m begining to sense something coming. This video, unlike the previous, was much more enjoyable–which isn’t saying much because the first was pretty crappy. Who knows what’s in store for us. I predict a Windows comeback by next year.

By the way, this video does feature a robot.

Prepare yourselves for the most awesome in high-tech gagets: A flying camera. You can own your very own drone for the very low price of [insert price here because it's too damn expensive and you should stop dreaming].

What’s that red glowy thing? No, it’s not a Cylon, it’s your neighbor’s kid trying to take pictures of your daughter in the shower. If only John Belushi were alive to see this.

DragonFly X6 Website

9th Grade Whore on Maury - Watch more free videos

I’m not going to lie. This video is ridiculous. This 9th grader is a whore. Seriously, you guys.

I do what I want!

9th Grade Whore on Maury